Quite a maudlin post for what should be a day of love and affection but here goes...
This weekend I heard a girl who I'd gone to school and college with died of cancer. Now she's not someone I was ever close to and I must have had a handful of conversations with her in the time we ever knew each other but I still found it shocking and very sad news indeed.
When I was talking about it with my fiance, I was saying I was probably sad for selfish reasons as people tend to be when it's someone they don't know very well. Obviously you're sad for the person who has passed away and their nearest and dearest but honestly, you're mainly upset because it reminds you of when you've lost someone close to you in the past. The other reason is because it threatened my mortality a bit. This girl was only about 28 years old, no age at all really, and it made me think what I'd leave behind and what I have or haven't achieved. Basically, it's been a bit of a wake up call and kick up the bum.
What you won't know is that my friends and I lost people our age when we were at college so it's not the first time it's happened and that's probably another reason I'm so shell shocked. One of these people was a very close friend of mine and to this day I don't think I've never really come to terms with it properly. When he died (and here's the letter writing link) I wrote a note in a card to his parents telling them about what an impact he'd had on my life and on the lives of others. I think it's nice for the family to hear about the positive way their loved one made a difference to everybody in the long or short time they had on this earth and it made me feel happier knowing they knew and that I had an outlet for it all without having to get choked up saying it out aloud.
Although I've never done it, people sometimes write a letter to the person they've lost (that they obviously never send) so that they can grieve by getting things off their chest and it sounds like a great cathartic thing to do.
If something like this has happened to you (whichever side of it you're on) a letter can help a lot. I hope you send or receive one and that it brings you comfort.
Really sorry to hear your news. Hearing about the death of someone you know certainly does tend to get you thinking about things.
ReplyDeleteSending a letter to grieving family members, focusing on positive things their loved one has done is a thoughtful thing to do, and I know if I was to receive such a letter I would find it very comforting.